Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
