guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize