Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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