Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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