I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
