yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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