I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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