actually, I'm a sock model
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
