I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
