And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sarcasm needs its own font
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
