What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FUCK WHALES
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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