Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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