She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
