Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
