Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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