I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
