dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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