We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
