omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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