Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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