i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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