I smell stomach acid.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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