ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
