U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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