I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
