You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
