He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
