Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
