I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
