Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
