The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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