Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
