We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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