One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
