i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
