You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
as a side note pls kill me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
