Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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