taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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