shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
