escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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