Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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