Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
