i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
