yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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