We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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