What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Someone shattered a urinal.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
