I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
