my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
