return my video game
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
