I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?