Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.