I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
