I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?