If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic