didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....