Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.