my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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