Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
