Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize