I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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