There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
