my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
