So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
