if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
