Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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