Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
