I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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