I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
