Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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