I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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