So drunk its hurt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
