I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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