Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
