Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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