Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you never un-have a 4some
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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