The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
