Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
