i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
