its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize