at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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