i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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